His Life as No One Remembers It
by Strawbaby909
Summary: Italy Veneziano smiled. he always smiled, through thick and thin. Yet why is it that he can't manage even a grin on August 6th. Italy remembers the day he lost his first love and finds himself loosing the will to live. Being pressured to be 'happy', to take responsibility, and to see Germany's face everyday is becoming too much of a burden to the point where he just might die...
1. Chapter 1

It was some type of cruel joke.

Something he did must have made god or some other great force hate him to plague him with such an image.

He and his brother had been caught on the battlefield in the midst of World War I, he hid in one of their old supply boxes and planned to wait out the battle in there. Until all the gun shots had stopped.

Then he was approached by _him. _

The carbon copy of Holy Roman empire himself.

Of course it wasn't actually him, just some sort of punishment in the form of his former love. It wasn't him and could never be him.

But that didn't stop him from wanting to just reach out to him, to hold him as if he was.

"They call me Germany" he said. Yes, this man was Germany.

"I'm Italy Veneziano…Er, um…North Italy" he introduced himself.

That was it, after that he was glued to Germany's presence since. He was wonderful, it was as if he was falling in love all over again even though it couldn't be.

There was always something holding him back from falling right into that man's arms.

For one, he couldn't never get that close to him or else he too will be taken away from his grasps, just like everyone else he loved.

And secondly, he made a promise. Even if that promise died along with the Holy Roman Empire it still existed in his own living heart.

Germany brightened up his life, but also made it dark and black.

There was content in Italy's life as long as he had to live. He would have to live with that, but as long as he still had Germany with him, alive and well…He was happy.

…

It was August 6th and he was feeling nostalgic. It was the only day of the year he could skip work, his brother would let him stay home without a fight.

This was because August 6th marked the day the Holy Roman Empire officially dissolved after long excruciating years of war…

Italy could never bring himself to even smile on that day, it's like all the energy he should have stored up when he awoke in the morning was nonexistent.

He would emerge from sleep and almost immediately want to fall back into it's grasps.

Italy trudged downstairs to find his brother already making breakfast, usually that was his job. His brother Romano was always unusually nice on this day.

He never said so, but this was Romano's way as silently helping his brother out through the day. He never understood what had Italy so low on August 6th, but as his big brother he just wanted to make the pain easier for him.

"Eat up" Romano muttered as he placed down a plate of frittata down on the table.

"Uh, Romano, you don't mind filling me in today do you?" Italy asked just in case.

"Of course, isn't that what we've agreed on for every August 6th" Romano answered him.

There was a long silence between the two brothers after that.

Then Romano spoke in a soft voice, "I hope someday you'll be able to tell me why you're like this every August 6th. I know I'm not the most understanding person in the world, or the nicest…But I've ought to know at some point. You can't keep hiding your feelings, Veneziano".

"You'd probably yell at me…" was Italy's only answer.

Romano said nothing else, he pulled out his work suit and fiddled through his bag for his car keys. Before he left he ruffled up his brother's auburn hair and muttered, "take care of yourself".

"I love you" Italy said before Romano shut the door, of course Romano didn't reply.

They were both on edge.

…

"Okay, We're missing someone"

"Canada's right here"

"Yes, I know. We're missing someone else this time Now let's see…There's me, France, Russia, America, Canada, Japan, Germany, Ita- We're missing Italy"

As if on queue, said 'Italy' threw open the G8 meeting room door.

"There you are Italy…er, Romano" Britian took him a counted for "I didn't know it was your day".

"Every August 6th I'm coming in now" Romano said, he sat down uncomfortably close to Germany. Of course his little brother had to pick the closest seat to the potato bastard.

"Why just the 6th, I mean, Italy comes basically every week in August. Why does he choose to miss just the 6th?" Britain had to ask.

"Are you fucking stupid?" Romano legitimately questioned "Whatever, I don't need to explain things to you".

Britain was a bit taken back by Italy's more foul-mouthed older brother, as he normally would, he lashed out. "Well _excuse _you, I was only wondering".

"Did you already forget what happened last August 6th?" Romano asked.

"Last August…You mean his little breakdown? What does that have to do with him coming into work, I understand what happened to him was a tad odd but what does that have to do with the 6th of August?"

"Absolutely everything. You are _so _narrow minded, just go one with the meeting and I'll be out of your fucking eyebrows" Romano scowled.

France actually had to intervene to stop the two from fighting so they could just get the meeting over with for the day.

Germany droned on it longer than the other nations did however. He never thought much of the horrible panic attack Italy had last August, he seemed a bit better over time. But what was the connection between Italy and August 6th?

Everyone else never talked about it again for the rest of the meeting.

It was as if it didn't matter at all. Italy skipped work, he skipped the chance to meet up with his friends like he always loved to spend time with. it wasn't even an act of laziness, he was most likely generally upset and hiding at home.

"Romano…" He poked at Italy's brother's side.

"Eh? Ugh god" he groaned out after turning to see the face of who was poking him "What do you want?".

"Italy, is he okay?"

"Why the fuck do you think I know?"

"You're his brother…"

"Listen" Romano turned to face him "Believe it or not, the idiot doesn't tell me everything. I just know there's something about this day that makes him…Depressed. It's like he's stuck in dark hole he can't climb out of. I ignored him the first time he asked for me to take place for him at work and you saw what happened. It's best if you and me just leave him alone for the day, especially you".

"I just want to help him" Germany said.

"I do too, you bastard. But that kid is a tough one to crack" Romano told him "I don't even entirely know him, I wasn't there for him all the time when we were younger and well…I missed _something". _

"Have you tried talking to him?"

"He's persistent. He'll try and smile and act all normal, changing the subject and shit".

"It was because of a death a long, long time ago" France chimed in, he wasn't even facing the two of them. His head was hung low, long blonde locks covering up the face he was hiding until he turned to him.

"Look it up if you need to, just don't bring it up to him" France said "On google".

"Okay?" Romano' eyebrows raised with confusion, he pulled out his iphone and typed in August 6th.

The first article that came up was historical events.

Under it read, "1806- Holy Roman Empire ends; it was neither holy, roman, nor an empire".

"Was this someone he knew?" Germany asked as he and Romano looked up at France.

"Oui, It was someone he loved".

…

He tried hard to become his own empire. To live up to what Italy's grandfather once was, it was the least he could do for Italy when they both knew the horrible truth that his father Germania was the one to finally end the Roman Empirie's life.

Italy said he didn't have to, that it was a bad idea and that he liked Holy Rome the way he was.

But war was inevitable.

Centuries later France came up and confessed to him that Holy Rome had died in battle…

On August 6th, 1806.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Yes this is a continuing story. I feel like I really should write more of italy's struggles throughout history. <em>**

**_He was actually horribly unhappy for a long time, actually clinically depressed. He had lost so many people he loved he practically latched onto Romano so he wouldn't loose him too. _**

**_Italy was a lot happier after he met Germany, but the memory of Holy Rome truthfully never left him. _**

**_He just hid it under a smile. _**

**_So let me tell you my thoughts on Italy Veneziano's story and how it all starts on the dreadful August 6th. _**

**_This will be continuing. _**


	2. Chapter 2

"Do you mind, if I visit Italy today after the meeting?" Germany asked politely.

"You're kidding me" Romano responded in complete shock "You think you're going to make him feel any better? You'd make it worse I tell ya"

"Don't play games with me, I know you won't have much with him either. I feel like I need to check up with him" Germany said "He doesn't like being alone, I at least know that about him".

"You don't know shit…" Romano grumbled.

"Now what do _you _know about him? Seriously enlighten me"

Romano looked down at his own two feet, eyes shifting nervously.

"He's been…Pretty sad for a long time, I know that. He doesn't like to mention it and he always seems so happy all the time so I tend to forget, but today…" Romano trailed off, skimming his fingers through his hair. "Today is like a reminder that he's still not okay".

"What do you mean he's been sad for a long time?" Germany questioned.

"You know idiot! Depression!" Romano exclaimed "Apparently he's had it for a while, even before it was diagnosed. I'm not sure when or why it happened, he was really happy for a while but once we were unified something seemed off about him".

"Alright guys, our meeting comes to an end here" Britain announced "You all may leave. Romano, tell Italy I hope he's doing well".

Romano hummed yes quite reluctantly but took it.

"I car-pooled with Japan today, can I catch a ride from you to your house?" Germany "You can explain everything to me in the car if you want".

"What makes you think I want you in my car?" Romano questioned angrily.

"I'll buy you food"

Romano remained silent with a judgmental look on his face.

"Please, It'll be all on me. I just want to know more about Italy" the German unexpectedly pleaded "I feel like I know nothing about him now…I mean, he's never been an open book. But if something's really bothering him I ought to know, I promised I'd protect him a long time ago".

Germany still remembered that promise, when Italy came to him strangely anxious. When he needed reassurance the most, Germany was there to say he had nothing to worry about on that fateful March 22nd, 1939.

"You seem to forget how much you hurt him after that promise" Romano reminded him.

"I already asked for forgiveness and he accepted it. I had no idea what I was doing and what Hitler was doing and I still regret it" Germany told him, collecting his paper work and piling it into his bag.

"My brother is quick to forgive but I sure as hell am not" Romano said "But you can come with me, I'll get to get some feeling out and I'll be getting free food. Hurry up".

It was strange, how the two of them could never quite get along unless Italy was involved. When it was for him they were insuperable together. How strange…

Germany waved goodbye and then piled into Romano's bright red car.

"Where should I start?" Romano asked him.

"Wherever you want" Germany said.

"Hm, then I guess I'll start when Veneziano was born. In the midst of when my father and I attempted to gain more territory he just…Popped up" Romano mused "He's a little miracle, I tell ya. We expected it to add onto my territory but yet there he was…".

Romano's eyes were glued to the road but Germany could tell they were in midst of a story.

"I didn't get to see too much of him when he was first born, my grandfather had such trouble balancing us out so he had to move over to Vene's territory to take care of him. He left me alone…".

"I'm sorry" Germany said sympathetically.

"Boy, I've waited a long time to hear those words, but you know, from my grandpa. I was stubborn, I always thought he left me in favor of him. But truth was I was never the most affectionate person, he called me a 'true Roman warrior'. He knew and I knew that I could take care of myself" Romano explained "Besides, if he hadn't left to take care of Veneziano he wouldn't even be around today. He was so frail those first few decades, he could have easily just died all on his own. I can't imagine not having him by my side".

Romano began to tear up a bit, he ignored the tears forming in his eyes and allowed them to drip down on his cheeks.

Germany didn't say a word.

"After Grandpa died it was up to me to take care of him. We were together for awhile until he was taken over by Austria and i was taken over by Spain. We only vaguely got to see each other" Romano added on "We were cut off after France had his whole revolution and the issue with Napoleon. We were planning on unifying Italy, being me, Giuseppe Garibaldi had us march up the border…And I was so scared…That I'd have to kill my baby brother…".

"Little did I know Camillo Cavour was planning on getting Italy, being Vene, unified. France helped him out a lot too and they were marching our way" Romano said "We met each other for the first time in years during that march, both Garibaldi and Cavour decided to unify as both South and North and…We just ran up and hugged each other so tight. It was a great feeling, knowing that we could be together again but as a fully constructed nation".

Germany could actually picture it, the fear and anxiety on Italy's face fading away into nothing but joy and happiness. Getting not only independence but his brother back by his side.

"Everything was good for a while, that is…until he visited France to help him out with the mess Napoleon left behind".

The tone of the story began to change.

"He just came back and…Lost it" he put it bluntly "He couldn't stand being alone anymore, it was as if he was terrified something would happen to me if he wasn't there. He would break down and cry for no apparent reason, just hide in a corner wrapped around himself".

"Then what happened?" Germany asked.

"Took him to a doctor, turned out he had depression and severe anxiety. They prescribed him pills that would help calm him down but they didn't do much. He'd always be nervous that he didn't take enough and he started overdosing" Romano said "I don't even know what France told him that freaked him out so much, I tried asking, or…More threatening. But even France didn't want to talk about it".

"He's afraid of being alone…" Germany said to himself "I get that part, but why do you think he wants to be left alone today of all days".

"Don't know…Like I said, he's a peculiar one. A complete basket case" Romano rambled.

"You know what's funny? Not far off from when you guys got independence, I remember meeting my brother Prussia and other siblings who helped me get independence…" Germany said.

…

France said it happened days ago when he was in the midst of the Napoleonic wars.

He said that he found the Holy Roman empire destroyed and left in ruins.

History books didn't agree with that statement, but at the time Italy believed him.

He didn't blame France for what happened, nor did he blame France for lying to him.

When he approached him, saying _"You killed Holy Rome, didn't you?"_, France burst into tears before him. His strong big brother figure, the one who watched over him when Romano couldn't be there, the one who supported him through unification, was sobbing in front of him.

_"__How did you know?" _France chocked out.

_"__They have these things called history books now"_ Italy told him _"I'm not mad, sometimes people are forced to do bad things" _

_"__But I killed someone you loved…"_ France told him in an exaggerated and bewildered voice.

_"__We all loose someone we love…Eventually" _ Was all Italy said.

Such strange words had come from his mouth. Wasn't he supposed to be the happy one?

Wasn't he supposed to be the one that saw all the positives in the world? Who was there to support and love whoever needed him?

Why did he just accept such a thing? Shouldn't he be bawling his eyes out? He lost someone he truly cared about, where are all the tears.

_"__I think…I've lost all the tears I had"_ Italy whispered out in a weak voice _"I'm sorry…"_.

He must have just cried the last of his heart out, that day France told him Holy Rome died. Now even knowing the true extent to it he didn't feel sorrow or pity…He felt nothing.

Then nothing turned to self-hatred…

Why didn't he go with him?

Sure, what Holy Rome planned to do was a bad idea from the start but why didn't he just go with him?! He could have somehow prevented his untimely fate.

Like hell, he lost his grandfather and now he lost his first love. It seemed like everyone he cared for died as some sort of punishment for loving him.

Who even knows how long Romano will have until Italy gets him killed too!

He made a vow that day. To stay close besides those he loved, so when god decided it was time to punish Italy once more…He could just take Italy himself.

He never expected to get attached to anyone again, to fall in love again…

And then Germany opened the box he hid in.

Italy's only thoughts were _"Perché?". _

_Why?_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Historical fact time!: Both North and South Italy had no idea that they planned their independence at the same exact time. Which meant they didn't plan to fight for who got the position of being the true Italy. Something strange happened that day in March. They could have fought and killed but instead they decided to form together, making South and North Italy possible. <em>**

**_And yes, a little after Prussia and the German states fought hard against Austria to make Germany independent. Sadly, Prussia is Germany's only surviving sibling. _**

**_A very protective sibling as well. _**

**_See you all next update~!_**


	3. Chapter 3

"I can't believe I'm spending lunch with someone like you" Romano grumbled from his side of the booth.

"Is it really a bad thing?" Germany asked him "What is it you have against me. We had such a good talk and you still don't seem to…Accept me".

"For one, we were talking about my brother. If you want a good talk you should have brought up sports or some shit" Romano said, sipping on his coke. "Secondly, I just don't like you Germans. You're entire family and mine just never got along".

"What do you mean?"

"You've been asking a lot of questions lately, you bastard" Romano informed him "If you want to know, which I'm surprised you don't know…You're father killed my grandfather"

That was something Germany didn't expect at all. He stood there silent for a moment until he collected his thoughts to say "Okay, I never knew my father".

"I did" Romano cut in.

"I researched a lot about Rome, he died of bad government control, overpopulation, famine, bad economy-"

"Yes, all those things contributed but who do you think was the person who stabbed him in the chest!?' Romano roared, then roughly pointed at Germany, "_your _father"

"He looked like you too, except he had long hair. You know how unnerving it is? To see the carbon copy of the man who killed your grandfather hanging around your little brother?" Romano continued "Fucking of course not".

"You were afraid history would repeat itself?" Germany asked him.

"It almost did, Germany. Don't ever fucking forget that day, when Vene surrendered because you and your stupid ass troops left him in civil war. Remember when me, America, and Britian had to drag him out of your grasp because he knew that if you knew he was surrendering you would _kill _him" Romano ranted.

"The worst part though, is when I saw you standing over his beaten and bleeding body…I saw Germania himself, standing over my grandfather" Romano said roughly through his gritting teeth. Germany could tell just how passionate he was.

"I'll say I'm sorry again, if it's any consent" Germany said to settle things.

"It's not just you and him, that Austria raised my brother. Beat him and made him work, even while I was with Spain I had my own authority and I was actually fed" Romano said "I get that it was the child laws at the time but seriously, who locks a child in a closet and refuses to feed him?".

"That does sound like something Austria would do" Germany shrugged it off, maybe he didn't want to learn that much about Italy's childhood. It sounded so depressing already, and it just came from Romano.

"He'd brush it aside. Said 'Mr. Austria was really nice sometimes'. He liked the guy because he was into the arts too, when he was good he was allowed to paint" Romano said "Anyone who likes the arts had a special place in his heart".

"Do you like that kind of stuff?"

"I do, I'm not as good as a painter as him but it's still something we loved together. Especially when it was just the two of us" Romano said, looking back fondly "His paintings have gotten sadder. I tired to get him to focus on landscape of bowls of fruit…But he made a mess the other day, I guess he was stressed out and just spilled out almost all his paint on the floor. It looked like he had stuck his hands in the can and punched the canvas".

"I don't get it, he's always seemed so happy" Germany said "I always found myself envying his smile, it always looked so natural".

"That's what he wants you to think. He really is a happy guy but…It's often hard to tell when he's faking. Which is more than we think apparently" Romano answered.

"Do you really think August 6th could have caused this?" Germany questioned.

Romano answered, "No, I just think life did this to him in general. August 6th took the cake".

…

Feliciano left a note to his brother on the kitchen table.

It read,

_"__I'm going to visit Austria in his country. I'm sorry, but you're going to have to fill in for me until I'm back. I don't think I can go back to those meetings yet. I'm really sorry. _

_Love, Veneziano". _

He felt guilty for abruptly leaving, but he could hold himself back anymore.

He hadn't eaten of slept since two days ago, there was just something he couldn't settle.

Italy beat himself up for thinking in such way, it had been decades since it happened. He had dealt with every August 6th since, why was this August 6th any different?

What was he doing wrong that made it so hard to cope?

He pulled out his antidepressants that were supposed to keep him 'stable'. Such lies, he felt like his heart was going to be torn out of his chest all day.

"S-Shit, how long has it been since I took them?" he asked himself.

He was supposed to take two, or wait…One each…Day, or few hours?

He swallowed up two and pulled his small duffle bag over his shoulder.

Austria didn't actually know he was visiting, it'd be more of a 'hey! Surprise!' visit if he could contain his tears while getting to the door.

He just needed time away, didn't he?

He could hear someone like Germany or Japan saying "you shouldn't hide your feelings" or "You should talk about it" when he just…Couldn't.

Did anyone want to hear about how 'tragic' it was that he fell in love with a boy who died centuries after? Did people really want to hear that he still wasn't over the death of his grandfather and that he's absolutely terrified of loosing someone again.

They would call him 'stupid' and 'attached' and 'clingy' and 'filled with hot air'.

Then he'd cry and that'd be all the proof right there.

"I'm sorry Germany" he spoke quietly to himself as he stood in line to get his plane ticket, "To think I'm too weak to even be in your presence. Whatever you are to me, I've taken you for granted".

He really did have mixed feelings, wether it was a curse of a gift that germ nay resembled so much of someone he once loved. Either way it meant something and here he was, running away from all his problems.

Italy Veneziano secretly did hope the world would just crash down on him. Only few people were gifted the life of a nation, he wasn't one that deserved that gift.

He couldn't even handle letting go of a childhood crush.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Sorry for slow updates, I was in the hospital for a while due to personal things. <em>**

**_I really did hope this story makes people realize that there's much deeper meaning to Vene's character :') I relate to him so much during hard times, he deserves to at least be noticed for his tragic flaws, anxiety, and past. _**

**_See you next update!_**


	4. Chapter 4

Romano dropped his bags as soon as he opened the door to his empty house.

It was as if he already knew his brother wasn't there.

He picked up the note left on the kitchen table, read it and crumpled it up within seconds.

"Shit!" he cursed.

"What is it?"

"The bastard retreated to Austria!".

…

The plane ride was quiet, Italy didn't say a word to anyone and they didn't say a word to him. He always hated the quiet, but sometimes it could be nice and comforting.

What was he even going to say to Austria when he gets there? That he was running away from his problems?

He could just hear his voice, staring down at him with disgust. "Italy, you can't run away from everything. Then people will really think your useless".

Ah, Austria was always so blunt.

He needed that sometimes.

He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket.

Taking a deep breath, he ignored it.

…

"He's not answering his damn phone, god dammit! To think I even brought home food for him!" Romano waved the Tupperware in the air furiously.

"Why is he even going to Austria. All that guy uses him for is for housework because he's too lazy" Germany mumbled as he read through Italy's short note again.

"Yeah, but the asshole raised him when I couldn't be there. He was like a dad to him, or so he says" Romano said "I don't get him sometimes, okay?"

"He says he's sorry in his note" Germany held it up to him.

"I know he's sorry! He's sorry about everything" Romano scuffed "The damn kid says it just about everyday, the sad part is he means it every single time".

Germany now sat on a stool, arm pressed against the counter. "So, he's apologetic".

"He thinks everything's his fault, Germany" Romano spoke will true sincerity in his voice "I bet he's sorry he's alive".

…

Italy stood in front of where he spent a great deal of his life in, the big manner that belonged to Austria. He swept every hall in that house.

He knocked on the door and to his surprise Hungary answered.

"Italy sweetheart! What a surprise to see you here" she smiled sweetly.

"Uh, hi Miss Hungary…What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same think honey, Austria called me over to make him tea"

"Of course he did" Italy chuckled "I um, actually came over to talk to him about something. D-Do you mind?"

"Of course not, it'll be like old times" Hungary said, stretching the door out wider so Italy could come inside.

They graced the marbled floors, past all the painting that were hung in his hallway.

Once they got to the kitchen, Hungary passed him the tray of tea into his own two arms. "Be a dear and give this to him for me? He's in the piano room as always, I'll be right back to join you two".

"Okay Miss Hungary" Italy said, she patted him on the head and he went off.

He heard the awaiting sound of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

There he was at the piano as always, Mr. Austria. He remembered loving the arts so much, especially music. Hearing him play always made his time there worth while, despite all the work.

He placed the tray down on the piano, Austria didn't stop playing. In fact, he kept his eyes fixated on the keys as he greeted Italy, "Well, I didn't expect to find you here".

"Yeah, I'm sorry I came unexpectedly. Do you mind if I stay here for a while?" he asked nervously.

"What about the G8 meeting?"

"Romano's covering for me…"

"He is?" Austria questioned as he still played.

Dammit, he could see through the lie.

"H-He is…I…Left a note for him and booked a flight"

Austria stopped playing to look right into Italy's eyes, "Why did you do that? Is something wrong?".

"I haven't been feeling quite right" Italy admitted.

Austria patted down on the other half of his seat, there was room for Italy to sit.

He sat himself down, "Today is August 6th, Holy Rome died today".

"Right, you still haven't let that go…".

"How could I? How could I forget someone who kissed me on the lips and made me promise to wait for him? How could I forget someone I loved that died on this very day! And after he worked so hard for so long-"

"Don't get yourself worked up, some things can't be helped" Austria told him in a calming voice.

"But it's ironic. I lost Grandpa Rome to war, Holy Rome…When you and Germany went to go invade Poland I got so scared. It was almost like I was expecting you to die, a-and I don't want to think that way but that's how it's always been. Everyone I care about dies over something as stupid as more territory…Or power".

"Germany and I are very much well alive" Austria told him.

"That doesn't get rid of the fear…It still stays, Mr. Austria i can't even sleep alone anymore. I feel so vulnerable and useless…And it's all true too" Italy admitted, his head hung low. "What's going to prevent my brother dying in his sleep, or for god's sake what's going to keep Germany from dying the same way as Holy Rome. They look too much alike as is, God might as well just throw me a huge 'fuck you' and take him away".

"Italy…" Austria attempted to calm him.

"I _want _to forget about it but I can't! I'm afraid to even feel anything anymore. When I love spending time with Germany but every time I look at his face I see my dead lover! It's a punishment, a curse! It's because I can't do anything right and I'm better off dead! I don't understand, why do I even exist!? Romano should be the only Italy, I'm not even worth carrying the title" he exploded with emotions.

Austria let Italy rest his head against his chest, he gently placed his hand on the younger nation's head.

"Don't question your existence. It happened, you're here. That's all you need to know"

"I don't want to be _here _Austria…"

"Then we'll go outside-"

"N-No…I want to be _dead_"

"Why?" Austria gasped, he never expected something like that to come out of Italy's mouth. "What's wrong with you, where's that smile of yours?".

"I'm tired of wearing it…I'm so tired" Italy said quietly "This only just further proves how useless I am, the world doesn't need me and I don't want to live in it either. It'd just be better if Romano became the only Italy"

"Don't say that-"

"It would be better! He doesn't have to deal with me being his brother anymore either, I know he's upset. People don't recognize him and it makes him sad, _I_ make him sad" Italy motioned to himself with wide eyes filled with tears.

"Italy-"

"G-Germany too, and Japan, and you-"

"Italy!"

"I can't help anyone anyway! I'm so tired of sitting around being useless, not even being able to control myself on August 6th of all days…"

"I'm so sorry, you always seemed like a happy child" Austria started to tear up as well, Italy was like a son. He was responsible for him for so many years and here he was, completely miserable.

"I'm happy when I can be…Austria, no one can be happy forever. I don't want to be the happy person anymore…I'm tired of being expected to smile w-when I c-can't".

Hungary walked into the room to see the scene playing out in front of her, both Austria and Italy soaked with their own tears and holding each other desperately.

"Hungary, I'm sorry" Austria apologized "The tea got cold".

…

Italy slept in Hungary's old bed back when they were both ruled over by Austria. She ended up staying over so Italy could have someone to sleep with and Austria could have his own room to himself.

"Italy, are you asleep?" she whispered.

"No" came back a muffled reply, Italy's face was pressed up against a pillow. He rolled over to face her.

"What made you both so upset? I've never seen Austria cry like that"

"I…Uh, I told him I was sad….And done with life"

"Are you?"

"I am…I'm so sorry Miss Hungary…But everyone seems to expect so much from me and I can't even do that right. It's all because of stupid August 6th"

"Right…" Hungary replied "We lost Holy Rome today, poor child".

Italy let out a deep sigh, "I was stupid and tired to run away from everything, from the memories of it all. But I can't forget it, and it hurts…But, I'm not allowed to feel pain because I have to smile. That's the only thing I can do".

Hungary sat up, "Let's pay a tribute so you can rest easy tonight and forget about everything. Okay?"

She took Italy's hand and they both walked barefooted across Austria's hallways.

She took out two candles and brought them outside. The grass already felt a bit dewy.

They took it to the spot where Italy taught Holy Rome how to paint, whenever he got free time off of work he'd spend it showing Holy Rome one of his passions.

By the tree they lit both candles and then sat in a lovely silence.

_"__Holy Rome, wherever you are" _Italy thought to himself _"I'm sorry about everything, about the empty promise, and nearly falling for someone else. To make it up to you, I'll join you up there". _


	5. Chapter 5

Italy didn't sleep at all that night, Hungary ended up falling asleep though. He appreciated the company though.

He couldn't settle down at all, his mind refused to give him relief.

So instead, he sat up in bed with dreary, tired eyes and allowed himself to think back on the past. Not to better times, but to something that once was.

…

_"__You think you could teach me to paint? The way you do?" Holy Rome asked him as he swept away at one of Austria's many rooms. _

_"__Really? You'd be interested?" he replied happily "If you told Austria he would keep paint in the house, and canvases too!". _

_"__Yeah, so you'd teach me?" he said again "I uh…Can't do it the way you can". _

_"__Of course, it's really easy. Just remember, all art is good art" Italy said. _

_They got right into it whenever Italy got breaks, though sometimes he'd be too tired to do anything after a day full of work. _

_He'd drag his tired aching feet outside to where Holy Rome set up both their canvases. In Austria's garden near the big oak tree. _

_"__Sorry I'm late" he said tiredly. _

_"__Did you fall asleep again by accident?" Holy Rome asked him as if he already knew the answer. _

_"__Yeah, I'm sorry. I got up as soon as I remembered" he said, releasing the new brushes and oil paint that he carried in his dress. He still wondered why Austria and Hungary only bought him dresses, but they were good for carrying things. _

_"__You should just go back to sleep then, we'll skip a day" Holy Rome said, picking up the materials Italy lazily dropped on the ground. _

_"__No, I like spending time with you, and I promised you I'd teach you how to paint and today we're practicing with live models so we're doing this" he exclaimed. _

_"__It's easy to break off a promise if it doesn't work out, you're exhausted from working all day. It's not fair to you if I take up the only time you have to take a break" Holy Rome told him. _

_"__I'm not breaking a promise and you don't take up my time like you think you do" Italy said, he then faced him with his honey colored eyes staring right into the other boy's blue ones. "Focus on my facial features, every single one of them. As you draw it out, don't leave anything out". _

_They both sketched their outlines on paper, glancing back at each other's faces. _

_"__I messed up" Holy Rome said minutes later. _

_"__Let me see" Italy said, Holy Rome was very secretive with his art mostly because he was probably embarrassed. He took one good look and asked him "What don't you like about it?"_

_"__The eyes are disproportionate"_

_With his hand grasped around Holy Rome's, the drew two lines on the initial shape of the head, leaving two markings on the horizontal lines. _

_"__Make an almond shape around those two lines. Don't be worried if they don't look perfect at first" he told him "It'll look perfect in no time". _

_"__Of course it will" Holy Rome told him, "I'm drawing your face after all". _

_…_

"He was such a flirt, I can't believe I never noticed it" Italy said as he sat on the windowsill seat with a cup of coffee. Watching it turn 5am to 6am was a beautiful process, in just one mere hour difference you can see the sun rise with such color.

He often wondered if Holy Rome would still liked him if he didn't wear a dress, if he didn't hide his flat chest under ruffles as well as what truly defined his gender.

If he ever said "I'm actually a boy", would Holy Rome still have loved him?

He liked to think maybe, because what he said before they kissed was "I've loved you since the 900s"

Oh, for so long Holy Rome had admired him from a distance. The first time Italy ever noticed it was the day he left.

He was so stupid, so very stupid.

Eventually Austria got up as well, his hair down without it's volume. He almost didn't even see where Italy sat until Italy greeted him.

"You're up already?" Austria asked him.

"Uh…Yeah" he answered timidly, he noticed he messed up as soon as he faltered his reply.

"You didn't sleep did you?"

"No"

Austria sighed and rolled his eyes, "You aren't going to feel any better".

"I had a lot of my mind" Italy told him.

"Like what?"

"Like if Holy Rome would even like me if he knew I was a boy"

Austria didn't know how to answer immediately, instead he sat down and put a fatherly hand against Italy's shoulder. "I'm sure he would, he liked you for a very long time".

"How long did it take you to figure out I was a boy?" Italy asked "Honestly".

"Honestly?…"

Italy raised his own eyebrows playfully.

"After the voice change" Austria said.

Italy burst out laughing, "I never understood why I always had to wear dresses! It was because I looked and sounded like a little bambina!"

"When I brought you into my custody it looked like you were wearing a dress" Austria defended himself.

"It was the only thing that fit me!"

"You _were _rather small".

They had a laugh, and soon they were both comforted with silence.

"When are you going to go back home?" Austria asked him "Do you have any sense of how much time you want to hide away here?".

"I don't know, maybe in a few days…A week? Or maybe never…" Italy said "I'm not sure".

"Well as long as your here with me, you aren't going to do anything rash" Austria told him.

"That's why I'm here" Italy told him.

…

Romano awoke on his couch, staring up at the ceiling.

It seemed like a pretty good morning, until he turned around and found out who was in his kitchen.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he questioned.

"Um, making coffee?" Germany replied.

"No, what the fuck are you doing _in my house?" _Romano emphasized "Didn't you leave last night or some shit?"

"No, you fell asleep and I spent the night. We've got more to talk about"

"Like what? Veneziano has a mental illness, he's scared, he left. What more do you want?".

"I want to know more about August 6th, and what it means to him. Think Romano, you have to know something" Germany said "You came to pick him up after his panic attack last year, did he say anything that implicated anything?".

"It is too early for this" Romano growled, laying back down and letting his hands fall limp to his side.

"Please, Just tell me what happened when you two left and I'll leave" Germany said.

"…Okay, so I was at home like usual and then I got the call from Japan".

…

_"__Mr. Romano?"_

_"__Uh…This is him speaking?" Romano said, confused. _

_"__Uh, we're going to need you to come to the meeting and pick up Italy-"_

_"__Why? Is he acting up or some shit, tell him to man up and-!"_

_"__N-No actually, he's on the floor. He was hyperventilating but now he's not moving anymore" Japan said, nervousness woven into his voice. Hi voice growing distant and growing louder as if he was moving away from the phone to check their situation. _

_Now Romano began to panic, "What do you mean he's not moving?"_

_"__I-I think he passed out, no one knows what to do and I'm really concerned. You know we can't call an ambulance during this kind of meeting, so please come over". _

_"__I'm on my way!" Romano said, throwing the phone to the floor and grabbing his car keys. _

_He was sure he drove way faster than the speed limit, but he never felt so scared in a long time. He couldn't help but keep to hold down his foot on the gas pedal. _

_He got to Germany's fast, he was grateful the meeting was being held so close to wear he was. _

_When he burst through the double doors he found his brother sitting up against a wall, Japan sat next to him waving a fan against his face to keep him cool in fear that he would faint again. _

_"__Someone tell me what the hell happened?" Romano asked. _

_"__America mentioned something he shouldn't have" France put it simply "Italy was already very anxious and he just sort of…Collapsed". _

_"__Sorry Romano" he apologized quietly. _

_"__No problem, just get up. I'm taking you home" Romano said, taking Italy's hand and easily pulling his little brother back up on his feet, "I guess I'll come back to finish things up after I get him situated". _

_"__No need, you two just stay together" France said "Please". _

_"__Feel better" America said apologetically as they left the room. _

_Once in the car Romano let out his question, "So what happened?"_

_At first he didn't answer so Romano phrased it again. _

_"__Veneziano, I asked you what ha-" _

_"__I panicked okay!" his brother snapped back a reply "I-I walked things and everything was okay until Germany told everyone to quiet down and I c-couldn't take it anymore" his head heaved forward to shield his face from Romano's eyes. _

_"__Why? did you do it for attention or some shit?"_

_"__I couldn't stand to see his face, or hear his voice. America mentioned what today was, August 6th. When that one empire fell and no one could remember his name". _

_"__What are you talking about?"_

_"__Romano, someone died a long time ago today and I seem to be the only one that cares" Italy told him "A-And I feel the weight of his own pain, whenever anyones skips over his name…Or comments on how he never came, saw, or conquered…"_

_"__Veneziano I don't understand" _

_"__No one does and no one will, there's a great force pulling me down fratello. It makes me want to stab myself" _

_"__What?!" she screamed out, nearly taking his hands off the wheel in surprise. _

_"__I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that" Italy said, surprisingly calm. "It's true though, I could just…" _

_His finger unlocked his car door, he opened it wide and let his body fall out. Romano's reflexes were quick, he grabbed Italy's arm and pulled him right back in. They roughly pulled the car over on the side of the road. _

_Both brother's fell out onto the ground, Romano unintentionally throwing Italy to the ground. His arms were locked around his little brother's body tightly, Italy didn't even hold him back. _

_He wasn't scared than he almost fell out onto the road at all. _

_"__You idiot! What were you even thinking!?" Romano screamed at him, he wanted to choke him. To hit him over the side of the head. _

_But instead he clung to his baby brother tight. _

_Not letting go. _

_…_

"Wait, he tried to throw himself out of a car?" Germany confirmed, that didn't fit Italy's character at all.

"Yeah…God, that's why I should have kept him close by me" Romano put his head in his hands and sighed. "He's always indecisive, he thinks and considers but he never does anything. When he threw himself out the car door, he probably only thought about it for two seconds before he went for it! He's dangerous when he's…Like that".

"That's probably why he went to Austria's house though, he knows that guy will keep him out of trouble" Germany lightened the mood.

"Or he just went there to visit old memories of that stupid guy he met" Romano added "Apparently that's where the two of them met".

"Maybe, but at least he's safe…Right?" Germany wasn't even sure himself.

"He's never going to be safe until he get's better, that might not even happen!"

"I'll call Austria, he should be up by now. If things don't turn out too well I'll go over and check on him" Germany said.

"Did you not listen to my story? He's afraid of you" Romano told him.

"That's silly, he's not afraid of me. In fact, he trusts me a lot" Germany said picking up the phone "I bet he'll be glad I'm checking up on him".

The phone beeped for a bit but then Austria's reply came in.

_"__Hallo das ist das Haus Österreich"_

"Hey, can I speak to Italy if I can?"

_"__I'm sorry, Italy's not here you're going to have to-"_

"I'm at Romano's house, I've read his note"

_"__Look Germany, he's going through something tough and I think he needs some time alone"_

"He hates being alone. Look, I really just want to see if I can help. He's coming back soon right? August 6th is over"

_"__Yeah, but he's not ready to come back yet"_

"You are sounding…_Really _different, Austria. Is he okay?"

_"…__No" _

"He's not okay?"

_"__Germany, call back a different time. I can't explain it. He's been saying things that don't really sound like him, and it turns out he's been hiding a lot from everyone. So he's staying here"_

"The Austria I know would have kicked him out by now though"

_"__He says he wants to die Germany. He's done with life and he doesn't want to see you, goodbye". _

The phone droned on, as well as Germany's silence.

…

"What's wrong?" Italy asked.

"Germany called, I told him to get lost"

"Y-You didn't tell him I didn't want to see him…Right?"

"No, I did. That's how you feel and he should respect that".

Italy gulped, "I don't want him to think I hate him…I _do _want to see him but I can't".

"Germany can handle that stuff. You don't need to panic" Austria told him.

"No, I really do want to see him but I don't and I don't want him to feel bad because I care about him. God, why do I have to be so messed up" he curled into himself hopelessly.

"Do you want to lay down?" Austria asked him, sensing the mood.

"N-No, I'm gonna call him back and explain things more, or…" he grabbed the phone and redialed the number.

It went straight to Germany.

_"__Austria, you have some nerve calling me again. Are you sure Italy doesn't want to see me? Did you even talk to him? Are you even sure he wants to die, what makes you think that? He's indecisive, he's never made an actual decision ever in his life! I know, I spent two wars with him. Just don't talk to me, put Italy on the phone, or better yet just tell him to grow up and come back home" _

Italy froze as he processed what Germany spat out at him, "Oh god…" was all he said. He removed the phone from his ear.

Germany recognized his voice and from the phone he began to talk again, "Italy? Oh gott is that you, Italy?"

He pressed the off button.

"What happened?" Austria asked him.

"Germany's right, I can't make decisions at all…"

"What?"

"Mr. Austria, I'm going out" he said, heading to his car parked outside.

"Okay?" Austria stood confused.

_"__It's about time I did something I should have done long ago" _Italy spoke to himself in his mind, he turned on the engine and head straight to Reichsbrücke bridge.

_"__I'm finally joining Holy Rome"._

* * *

><p><strong><em>I've been put back on medical absence by my school, they even threatened to call 211 and I am NOT going back to the hospital. Btw, the mental part of the hospital is a really bad place. I do not recommend going there for any reason unless your life is in danger. <em>**

**_So of course I'm letting out my feelings into Italy, the character I see myself as. Fake smiles, hard past, chemical imbalance, indecisive, and mistreated and misunderstood by the world. _**

**_Updates should come faster now that I'm at home (Hopefully, let's hope I stay at home;) _**

**_See you next update! and please review. It helps me know what to improve on and just to know what people like about it if anything :,) _**


	6. Chapter 6

"Was he on the phone when you said that?" he heard Romano's furious voice from the left side of the room.

"As it turns out yes…He hung up though" Germany answered.

"You fucking piece of shit, do you _know _how much you mean to him?" Romano yelled "You just can't insult him like that, the idiot's probably crying a river!"

"Yet you can call him an idiot?" was Germany's only reply.

Romano immediately froze, "Face it, we both need to make some changed around him. I'm going to drive over to Austria's and we're going to work things out".

As Germany turned to leave, Romano desperately grabbed his arm. "Take me with you" he said with such determination. It seemed as if he faced up to his wrong-doings in just one second, now he was grabbing onto Germany's arm, the arm of someone he couldn't trust, in sake of his brother's safety.

"Let's go then" Germany said, joining in Romano's car and starting up the engine. The car roared with such might.

…

Reichsbrücke was such a beautiful bridge. The water bellow it held crew and steam boats that would ride back and fourth throughout the day.

It was quiet now. By some strange odds, everything was perfect.

It was like Holy Rome was up there saying, _"Join me Italy, I still love you". _

He pulled over his car, others drove by not expecting anything. Either they didn't care or people assumed he was taking pictures.

Water was always the way he was meant to die.

Some day in the future his heart, Venice will be enveloped completely underwater. It was only obvious that if he were to cut it short, he would become one with water.

Everything was slow. He spent so much time thinking and less doing that he never actually stepped up to the railing.

He wasn't taking action at all and that was just like him.

Indecisive, worthless.

A history of running away followed him, of trying to concur and falling out in the middle of it, of switching sides and not doing anything helpful in any war.

It was no wonder everyone important to him was either dead or dying.

After a half hour of recollection, Italy put up his first foot.

…

The both of them rang the doorbell twice each, it seemed that Austria was taking his sweet time getting to answering the door.

As soon as he opened it he attempted to shut it, Germany stuck his hand in the side of the door and pried it open so that him and Austria were face to face.

"Where's Italy?" Germany asked.

"He literally just left, also, it's rude to visit people you haven't seen in a long time only to demand answers" Austria told him.

"Die Klappe halten, I need to talk to him. Seriously, I'm going to apologize and everything I just want to make sure he's okay" Germany said.

"He just left, said you were right about something. I thought maybe he decided to go home" Austria shrugged.

"We're going to have to drive all the way back then" Romano grumbled, punching the air with his first.

"Well, thank you. We'll be on our way" Ludwig said.

They hopped back in Romano's car and drove all the way back to Italy's home, which was a pain since they were all the way in Vienna Austria.

Naturally they followed the high way, crossing a certain long bridge.

Germany kept his eyes on the road, watching everything pass by including what looked like a person hanging off the edge of the bridge with only their hands and feet.

"Stop the car, pull over!" Germany yelled.

Romano's pulled a hard right, the wheels squeaked loudly as they did.

The person on the edge of the bridge was Italy himself, he stared straight downward at the water with a sad and longing look.

He was alone, no other car pulled over.

"Italy!" Germany screamed at him, as soon as Romano noticed it too he bellowed out a loud "Veneziano!".

He didn't flinch, didn't turn, he was entirely focused on what he was doing.

As they attempted to walk forward, Feliciano spoke in a demanding yet timid voice, "Don't come any closer ".

"If this is about what I said, then-"

"This isn't about what you said Germany!" Italy yelled back "This isn't even about you at all. I have gone all my life being useless and a failure and I am sick and tired of watching the people I love die and living with that memory forever. I am tired of being scared to be around you, Germany. Because I have too many fucking flaws to carry".

"I am especially done with the fact that I can't even control myself on a day when someone I loved died _centuries _ago. I hate looking at August 6th on the calendar and remembering everything I don't want to remember" Italy continued "And I never do anything right, instead I let everyone die for me because I can't make up my own mind. I'm finally going to do something right for everyone"

"What?" Germany asked.

"I'm going to jump" Italy told him.

"Please don't do this, I can help you" Germany tried desperately to compromise.

"I don't think I can be helped. G-Germany, fratello please don't think I'm selfish for doing this" Italy began to cry, his voice trembling in every word he spoke. "I mean, I am but…Think about all the good that's going to come out of this".

"Nothing good will every come out of you dying Italy!"

"I w-won't suffer anymore, oh…T-Thant sounds selfish" Italy tried to say, "I-I don't want to be alive anymore. Please let me do this, I'm going somewhere I can be happy…".

"What makes you think we'll be happy without you?!" Germany yelled at him like an army man would his soldier.

"Oh please, you'll be happier!" Italy yelled "Everyone is going to be happier, it'll just work out. Don't make me back down, i'll loose all respect in myself if I don't end it this way".

"What makes you think we'll be happy? I care about you" Germany told him.

"I can't be around you anymore, Germany. I never told you but you look like my…Dead lover" Italy sobbed "Yes there you go, I fell in love with a boy I couldn't have and it was all my fault he fell and was forgotten. I'm the only one who remembers him, i'm the only one who thinks of him anymore and I feel like he's lonely…wherever he is"

"And plus, how have I been useful at all? I'm a shitty soldier, I run away from everything, I'm afraid of war because i know what it does to people. There have been so many times I thought you were going to die Germany, I cried every night and instead I get mocked for feeling so!" Italy said "I'm stupid and I smile all the time because I don't know what else to do! Everyone is already so sad, someone has to be cheerful and supportive, someone has to get the boot and that's me Germany. I don't think I'm even good at that!".

"Italy, you are not useless you helped me countless of times-"

"What the hell did I do right? Really, I want to know!" Italy lashed out at him.

It was such a surprise, getting yelled at by Italy that his answer was delayed.

"Of course…Nothing" Italy said with a dreadful lack of emotion. "Most people would think I'm lucky, living as long as my government and people flourish. I'm not cut out for this, Romano you should just keep the title. Forget I ever existed, it'll be just like before".

"My only regret is I found myself falling in love again with someone I couldn't have, just like some horrible clichéd story…" Italy said "The rest was unavoidable, yet it still was my fault".

With that, Italy let go and fell down into the water bellow.

A loud sickening crack was heard as his body connected to the water.

Romano let out a blood curdling scream while Germany found himself utterly silent.

More people pulled over and people began whispering amongst each other.

"Did someone fall?"

"Someone just killed themselves!"

"Call and ambulance!"

Ludwig ran across the bridge, still in shock and silence, until he got to the edge of it all. Then he began to swim. The whole lake was so big and the place where Italy fell was so far away, but he couldn't let the police and firefighters get to him first.

The water was surprisingly clean when he opened his eyes in them. Up and down he went, taking in air and dipping back under.

If felt like it took hours, but he felt a cold limb brush up against him.

Germany swam back to the edge of the shore with Italy in his arms, motionless.

Romano also made his way down the mountain like side, crouching down next to him to check if his brother was okay.

Germany checked all the vitals, he wasn't breathing nor did he have a pulse. He refused to give up on his friend that easily.

He tried CPR, roughly pounding on Italy's chest as he counted.

"Eins, zwei, drei"

He pressed his lips against Italy's cold ones and breathed into him.

"Vier, fünf, sechs"

Another deep breath into Italy's lungs.

"Sieben, acht, neun. Come on, Italy. Don't make me count any longer".

This process continued until the water in Italy's lungs spilt out of him lifelessly. No sign that Italy was still with them at all.

Romano cradled his little brother in his arms and rocked back and fourth, crying out something in Italian.

"Nonno non prendere il mio fratellino di distanza,Nonno non prendere il mio fratellino di distanza".

After 30 minutes, Italy miraculously started breathing again.

"Oh…Oh my god, Germany! Germany he's breathing, oh dio mio!"

"How is that possible?" Germany questioned, he felt the side of Italy's neck himself. He was still freezing but it had a humanly warmth to it. He was breathing shallowly as well.

"I guess nations can't kill themselves" Germany concluded. It made sense, as long as Italy's government was stable and his people were well then he'd have to continue living.

Though he did feel bad, when his little friend would finally wake up he'd discover that he really wasn't free from all the sorrow and woes his life apparently contained.

He'd probably feel more hopeless knowing there was no escape.

"Throw his shirt and shoes back into the river" Germany ordered "I don't want him going to a human hospital, since he's not dead from that fall people will suspect stuff and your boss will get mad".

"Right" Romano agreed.

Germany rapped his own jacket around Italy's limp body, as Germany held him his head lay lolled to the side. It was as if he were completely relaxed.

"I'm sorry you aren't dead like you wanted, but I really am happy you stayed with us" Germany whispered to him, taking him up into his arms. "Enjoy that dreams of yours for now, I'm going to do some research so I can be useful to you".

If Italy had depression then do be it, as his friend and ally he would read every book and look up every bit of info he could.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Aaaaahhh, I know no one really cares but hear me out. I gotta complain to someone X'D Things have just been so chaotic and it's hard watching people who get sad for a little bit and are showered with love and affection while I'm here…Just here. <em>**

**_Questioning life sucks, and it's hard when people are hypocritical and don't understand why you feel a certain way or why you even want to kill yourself. _**

**_The whole "your doing it for attention" and the "not noticing at all" gets old people. _**

**_Especially to the people who are forced to smile all the time and cater to other's needs like Italy. _**

**_So i'm getting my feelings out through writing this story of mine :') its gonna be a looooong horrible christmas. But still, expect to see more from me!_**

**_Ps. no depressing endings, my dears. My stories cover depressing topics but they always have good morals. That's the point! _**

**_If you have a friend with depression, please don't ignore them. Do your best to help them so hey don't think you hate them. _**


	7. Chapter 7

"Here are my car keys" Romano tossed the tiny object into Germany's hand "You drive, I'll stay with Veneziano in the back".

"I think we should go to Japan's house, if you don't mind. He has more guest space and it's isolated and quiet there, I think he'd also be happy to see that Italy's okay" Germany said to him. He placed down his friend in laying position in the back of Romano's car so carefully.

"Whatever floats your boat, I just want him to get better" Romano told him truthfully.

They were off after that, they only made two phone calls. One to Austria to catch him up, one to Japan to fill him in.

Japan was waiting outside his small house for them as soon as they pulled up to his driveway. He opened up the back seat door for Romano, who had Italy's head laying in his lap.

Germany being stronger than all of them ended up pulling Italy out, instead of heaving him over his shoulder, he held him in a more delicate bridal style.

"I got a guest bedroom all set and ready for him, I also have stuff incase he needs treatments for any injuries…Hypothermia" Japan explained, leading them through the hallway and opening the sliding wooden door. "I heard he jumped off a bridge but did anything severe happen?".

"Well…There was one thing" Germany mentioned as he got Italy situated in the heated futon, "He was…Dead, for a bit".

"D-Dead?" Japan's eyes widened.

"I'm not sure if the…Fall broke his neck…But he wasn't breathing and his heart wasn't beating but then after a while he came back" Germany explained.

"I guess suicide doesn't work on nations" Japan concluded "I've never tried it but, I guess if everything's okay with his government then he's okay…Poor Italy".

"He doesn't know he's not dead yet, he hasn't woken up since" Germany said "I can't believe he even did something like that, I'm definitely going to have to look more into this depression thing. I hate not knowing whats going on with him…"

"That's smart, I'm sure he'd appreciate your dedication" Japan said "This is so horrible, something like this should never happen to him". Japan cradled Italy's body in this arms, feeling the bone on the back of his neck and downward to his spine. It looked very red compared to his pale skin.

"He must have hurt his neck and spine area during the fall, they seems to have healed together naturally though. I'm going to bandage it up just keep him secure" Japan rolled out the cause, cutting off a long strip of it.

"Do you need some help?" Germany offered, but Japan declined.

"It's alright, I can handle this myself" Japan stripped the jacket off of Italy and propped him up with his knee, wrapping the bandage around him. "Could you take out a dochugi kimono blouse out from the closet for me?".

Germany did as he was told.

When he got back with the Kimono, Italy was already all wrapped up in bandages. The finishing touch was putting a new fresh shirt on his body.

"That's done" Japan said, rubbing his hands together in delight of seeing his task accomplished. He draped an extra blanket over Italy and then they all left the room to let him rest.

"It's a good thing there aren't any meeting this week" Japan said, setting out refreshments and appetizers for his unexpected guests.

"Veneziano isn't going to heal up in just a week, we're stuck in a pretty shitty situation" Romano poked at the sushi rolls with the chopsticks he was given. Shoving one into his mouth, he continued, "How's he even gonna walk around after a fall like that?".

"He probably won't, he'll need bed rest and I'm sure the rest of the G8 will be understanding. Besides, you can fill in for him can't you?" Germany said.

"I'm not going to leave him alone! He needs to be looked after, goddammit" Romano replied, surprisingly overprotective.

"Maybe they'll cancel meeting?" Japan added in.

"Face it, life isn't going to pause for us. Vene's going to get stressed and upset all over again to the point where he can't function and no one's going to stop and help him! Not the rest of those losers, not our bosses, not even time" Romano explained thoroughly.

"Let's not think about the future yet, let's focus on now" Germany said "I'm going to look up what he has…Depression, was it?"

"That and something called 'anxiety disorder', his doctor gave him pills for it. Wait, I think I still got them on me" Romano dug into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small bottle of prescription pills.

"Right, he's mentioned this before" Germany said while examining it, "I always assumed he was on some sort of crazy drug".

"It's too keep him from freaking out too much apparently, I dunno" Romano said.

"Thanks, Japan i'm borrowing your laptop" Germany went off to start his research.

"Okay! Just uh…If you see _anything _that resembles gay porn please pretend you never saw it!" Japan called back to him.

…

Germany at first had a rough time figuring out which depression was Italy's depression. there were so many different kinds.

Who knew that people threw the term around so thoughtlessly, from the way everyone described it depression sounded like a horrible disease.

Then he found it,

_Major Depression: True clinical depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or frustration interfere with everyday life for weeks or longer._

How sad that such a thing existed.

Italy never really made it known, he always seemed so happy. Germany liked to believe that Italy really did have good days. Where he was truly happy and felt as good as he made him and other people feel.

But it made sense, people with true depression have to hide it just like any other disease. They appear like nothing is wrong, their whole life being a disguise.

It made him feel sick, not knowing what was going on with Italy.

Not knowing certain things that happened to him and how he was feeling.

He was going to stand out, act as one should when someone they care about has an illness they can't control. Care for them.

to your loved one about their depression, be open and understanding. Listen to what they have to say and try to avoid adding your own input.

_2. Encourage them to open up and find help. Therapy is important. _

_3. Support your love one through everything they are going though and support their choices. _

Everything was written out like an instruction manual, a book he could follow word by word.

It seemed all law and order to him, which was what he liked. Until he came across the last section of the article.

**_"_****_The risk of suicide is real" _**

That was just displayed to him not long ago, just how real the suicide risk was. Everything fit Italy so perfectly that it became upsetting to think about. About how long he was ignored and brushed to the side, about how he was fighting a disease that effected his brain and no one noticed.

How August 6th of all days he was most vulnerable and everyone pushed him to his limit.

It wasn't him that caused himself to fall off the bridge, it was the weight of it all.

Germany sat in the room Italy was staying in, reading away at every helpful resource he could find.

Then he got a call.

"Hello?"

_"__Germany?" _ the voice asked him, almost as if he was scared.

"France?"

_"__Yes this is France, I came to check up on Italy. I think you know where he is right?"_

Germany looked down at the person in question, sleeping peacefully by where he sat.

"Yeah he's right next to me, he's sleeping, or unconscious. We had a little incident earlier"

_"__What?! What happened?" _

"He jumped off a bridge in an attempt to kill himself".

After that there was silence on France's end, then came a low reply.

_"__I understand, he's alright though, no?"_

"Yeah, he's okay. He's not doing too great mentally"

_"__Oui, I understand. I just want him to know, if you could pass the message on for him…I never wanted to make him cry. There were lots of things I didn't want to do but the one that I was always resistant to was making him cry…And I'm still sorry for what happened on August 6th. Tell him, his love is closer to him then he thinks". _

The last part confused Germany a lot, but he understood France's heartfelt monologue. If he cared enough to call then he must need what he's saying to get across.

"I'll tell him when he wakes up. It's late, you should get some sleep too".

_"__Right, also Germany…You should call your brother, he's probably worried…And he might have something to tell you. Au revoir" . _

After that, France hung up.

Why would he need to talk to his brother?

Germany eventually closed things up for the night and considered retreating to the other guest room where Romano was sleeping.

But something didn't feel right about leaving Italy in the state he was.

If Italy were anymore conscious he'd probably be begging for Germany to stay…Saying he's scared and doesn't want to be alone.

Germany laid down right next to him on the hard wood ground.

It wasn't a bed, or even a futon, but it was next to Italy where he needed to be.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Yes actual update during christmas break because it's not much of a 'happy holiday' with a mental illness problem and family problems. <em>**

**_So christmas isn't very happy for me this year. _**

**_I really do hope you people treat people you know with depression like Germany is doing here. _**

**_Showing you care about them is one step closer to helping their depression. _**

**_No ones done that for me but I do know it works, because as much as I may deny it I would have loved for someone to care about me. _**

**_Yes, my Italy child is me. Just an animated male country form. _**

**_Also, we all know what France is talking about and we all know what Prussia knows. It's gonna be THAT type of story along with a healing story. _**

**_Except Italy might not react the way people think he would. _**

**_See you next update ^3^_**

**_(PS. the episode that mentions Italy's pills is Hetalia axis Powers episode 21. The dub added it in I'm pretty sure, it was a little thing that most people brushed off but it was very important to me because I was trying out antidepressants and it was hard. Seeing that Italy suffered the same thing made me feel connected to him)_**


	8. Chapter 8

**_Okay, I'll be replying to a certain someone up here because there's some stuff I need to explain obviously. _**

**_Believe4ever: Thank you for your in depth review, I do have to say that the "Germany is Holy Rome and Italy is instantly happy and in love with him yay" cliche is annoying and that's not the way I'd perceive it. Italy is not simply some 'dumb, cheery, always happy' person. If he were to find out Germany is Holy Rome I'd believe it'd be more shock and anger than anything. Germany being Holy Rome is a secret people have kept from him by years! And now he finds himself falling in love with the same person and he has to decide if he loves Germany for Germany or for Holy Rome. It's not that simple and he isn't a simple character. So that's clear ^3^ I know this story is sad but i always add a good moral to my stories (And I understand I'm not all that great at writing, i'm not really talented at all. But it took me a long time to learn to read and write due to personal stuff that happened in my life, but I learned and I'm pretty okay). Thank you again._**

* * *

><p>He awoke around the break of dawn, from what felt like a horrible fever dream. One moment he was hurdling down towards the mass of water bellow him and now he was staring up at a pale grey paper-looking ceiling.<p>

"Hey Veneziano" someone called out to him in a loud voice that made him jump. His brother sat crisscrossed right next to where he lay, looking down on him with a pitiful look.

"Hi…" he greeted him back, rolling onto his side facing Romano.

He was so cold for some reason, it ticked his skin and made him shake. His back felt sore as well.

"Uh, I hope I don't need to fill you in. You remember what happened, right?" Romano asked him in a gentle voice.

"No, I know what happened" he pulled his arm over his his eyes to shield his brother from seeing his upcoming tears, "I was so stupid to think it would work…".

For a long period of time, Romano didn't say anything back. He just stared at him in agreement.

"Well, I really don't know what to tell you. But I'm just glad it didn't work after all, okay. Through thick and thin, I love you Vene"

"God…" Italy promptly croaked out a pathetic reply.

"Do you want me to get you food? Your friend Japan is up with be I can have him make you something" Romano offered, "You just can't get up yet, the fall damaged your spine or something…".

"Sì per favore" Italy said.

As Romano left to consult with Japan, Germany trudged downstairs after a long phone call with his brother.

"Good morning Germany" Japan said from the kitchen.

"Oh, I was already up I was just talking to my brother. It's okay if he comes over right?" Germany asked as he joined in the kitchen to clean up after Japan who appeared to be making some sort of noodle dish.

"Thank you" Japan told him, lifting up the four small bowls so Germany could whip the area underneath it clean.

"Oh, Veneziano's awake by the way" Romano told him, then trailed off defensively "Just thought you should know".

"He is? Is that breakfast then? I could give it to him" Germany said eagerly, but when he reached to grab on of the bowls Romano cut him off.

"Ay, _I'm _going to feed him. He's my brother" Romano set up his boundaries, "You can come though, but you aren't touching him until he's better".

"I'm the one who pulled him out of the water though"

"Yeah well…You're German, you're not touching him for awhile"

Romano was finally getting back to his normal retaliation like state, which even though he always had to disagree with Germany, it showed he was starting to feel himself again.

Naturally Germany knew they would never truly get along too well, but they bonded over Italy when they had to.

"Come on, potato bastard!" Romano interrupted his thoughts, motioning Germany to follow him.

At least their relationship was getting better.

When they walked into Italy's room, Germany almost thought he still wasn't up. The poor man had to lay down flat on his back due to his injury.

"I brought food Vene, open up" Romano sat down and dangled noodles over his brother's face.

"Hey, he shouldn't eat sitting down" Germany stopped him. Slowly, he helped Italy sit up straight, putting as much support on his back as he could.

"There you go" Germany said "Now he can eat".

"Uh, Germany-" Italy tried to talk but was cut off by his brother shoving noodles into his mouth.

"Less talking more eating" Romano said sternly.

Once Italy swallowed, he tried again. Looking straight into Germany's eyes with his own dark-circled ones. This moment of time when he was unconscious was probably the only rest he got in awhile.

"Germany, I'm sorry about everything" his first words to him were an apology.

"It's alright, you have to try not to stress to much. You know I'm always here for you" Germany tried out some of his new knowledge.

"T-Thanks" Italy said. His actions sort of contradicted him, he had a pertinent nervous look on his face. If not nervous, he looked plain exhausted.

"What day is it?" Italy asked.

"August 8th" Germany replied "So you know…It's over. Oh, France called last night. Said something about your love being close to you than you think. He also says he loves you and never meant to hurt you, he didn't hurt you right?".

Italy froze as if his heart had stopped. His mouth refused to open for food, causing Romano to give him a puzzling look.

"Vene?".

He bent over and cried, the bandages wrapped around them stretched out showing the red marks that displayed around his back and neck.

It wasn't an ordinary cry, not one that he would often dispel if he didn't want to do something. It was horrible sounding, painful, agonizing. It probably wasn't even because the pain in his back, it was because of pure sadness.

Romano and Germany just sat there like idiots, flashing each other terrified looks at loss at what to do.

"Italy?"

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" he apologized over and over like a broken.

"Don't apologize" Germany called out to him, grasping onto his friend's shoulders. "Just tell me what's wrong".

"I'm s-sorry!"

He was broken. There was nothing they could or say to fix him.

At it killed both of them inside to see who they knew was such a beautiful person suffer in such a way.

…

Italy tired himself out after such an emotional outburst, leaving the three of them to find a way to lighten the mood until Prussia would come eventually.

Japan continued to cook various meals, probably to prevent himself from stressing.

Eventually Germany's older brother turned up at Japan's door step with a big smile bound to lighten everyone's mood.

As soon as the door was open up for him he burst right in, "Hey there fellas, what's cooking?"

"Japan's making something, I don't know he's been cooking all day" Germany sighed "Look, could you just come in so we could have this talk you mentioned earlier".

"Ah, right. But first, how's Ita doing?" Prussia felt inclined to ask, feeling sympathy for the cute little guy was only natural for him.

"Well, he woke up not that long ago, starting sobbing, and fell back asleep" Japan said "That's all that's really happened".

"Poor guy, I wanna hug him" Prussia pouted, hugging air instead of his precious Italy.

"Yeah, well no one can touch him right now so please stay focused" Germany told him.

"Right" Prussia took him by the arm, "We'll talk in private". Prussia lead him to the farthest away room he could find in Japan's large but humble house.

Once they were situated in a quiet place, Prussia displayed a more serious look on his face. His fingers were wrapped together, his chin rested against his knuckles.

"Germany, what's the earliest memory you have?" was what he asked.

"Surrounded by flowers…And people" Germany replied.

_The memory of that day was foggy but still in his mind. Opening his eyes for the first time, bright blue and purple flowers littered the side of his vision. In front of him was Prussia himself, behind him were so many other mysterious faces. _

_"__Welcome back" was what Prussia said. _

"You know why there were so many flowers and people there?" Prussia asked him.

Germany had no clue, so he slowly shook his head.

"You were in a coffin…You stayed in that coffin from August 6th until 1871 when the Second Reich started and your body was revived as another person".

It was all so much to take in at one time.

August 6th.

He 'died' on August 6th.

He was another person before he was him.

"W-What do you mean?" he questioned "August 6th is when that empire died, he was german right?"

"Holy Rome was my little brother…He still is, because your my little brother" Prussia told him.

"You mean _I'm _the Holy Roman Empire?"

"You _were_. You don't have any of his memories, you're just his body now really. You're your own person, but yes. You were born as Holy Rome, but you lived on as Germany"

"How?"

Prussia's eyes drifted onward as he continued the story, "I was stuck with over 48 siblings. They became hard to manage individually, so I thought, why not combined all of us German states into one big Germany. Since I was the most powerful, what I said got done. We needed a suitable representative and…The role got given to you, even after around 67 years of being dead".

"The world has a weird way of working, especially for us nations. I was so happy to see you again, I thought you'd remember me but you didn't…I missed being called big brother" Prussia carried on "But I earned your trust right back, beat Austria's ass, and got you independence…If only our siblings could have seen it…I couldn't believe all of them got killed off, but it was for you".

"What did I do as Holy Rome? Why does Italy cry over…me?" Germany asked.

"You two fell in love. Italy was so cute when he was little, he wore a little dress and walked around with a little push broom" Prussia explained "You thought he was a girl back then, I didn't tell you. I figured since you loved him for so long you'd still him either way"

"How long?"

"Since the 900s"

So were his recent feelings for Italy really valid. That one valentines day were he felt such an overwhelming need to please him, to treat him right. How just at the thought of Italy coming onto him he tried to set the relationship straight and even propose.

All these strange feelings for Italy was left over love that was dulled down by history.

This love for him, this desire to care for him. It really _was _love.

All this time he was hurting Italy as well.

"How are we going to tell him? He's been crying non-stop for days, he tried to kill himself!" Germany panicked.

"Don't jump to conclusions. Me and France still haven't thought of a way to tell him and it's been centuries…Just, don't break his heart. He's been through a lot" Prussia said.

"No uh…I've actually had feelings for him for a while. I was really confused, since I never felt that way about anyone else before and I panicked trying to explain it to him a few years ago…"

"You two are destined to be together then" Prussia snickered "If you fell in love with him all over again, then I'd say your meant to be".

"No Prussia, this is bad. You put off the truth for too long, he's been thinking I've been dead for centuries!"

"I bet he'll bounce right back to his old self and kiss you!" Prussia exclaimed happily.

Germany's face turned bright red, "Stop! look, let's tell him. Slowly, maybe you are right and he'll be happy but I've done a lot of research. People can't bounce back like that, not even Italy".

They left the room and Germany peeked into Italy's, surprisingly he was sitting up staring right back at him.

"Hey Italy" Germany greeted him.

"Hi, sorry, I got up an hour ago but I didn't say anything" Italy said.

"Are you sure you don't want to lay down?" Germany asked.

"Nope, sitting up like this actually made it easier for me to stand up. I think I'll join all of you" Italy said, demonstrating what he said by standing up tall and proud.

"Um, Italy listen I have to tell you something…" Germany took a deep breath, behind him Prussia came into the room.

"Prussia?" Italy looked back and fourth confusingly.

"I found something out recently, something I should have been told a long time ago" Germany inhaled deeply "I'm the Holy Roman Empire, or I was. Until I was reborn. So, this is him right here I guess".

Italy didn't react the way Prussia said he would at all. He stared at him dead in the eye, terrified.

His eyes darted around the room, obviously overwhelmed with new information.

Then the hyperventilating started.

His brain wouldn't except such knowledge, so it shut down on him completely and he was left in sever panic. The battle of truth and denial went off in his head as he gaped for arm.

Grabbing onto German's shirt for support, his knees broke down bellow him and he fell to the ground in a dead faint.

"Italy!".

* * *

><p><strong><em>That right there I think is how many being would react to finding out someone they thought was DEAD for years is actually alive and is someone he trusts. <em>**

**_Shock and denial, even nations can feel it. _**

**_Yes I'm uploading on Christmas eve and probably christmas if I feel up to it, this sounds expectingly depressing but I got forgotten this year :/ In favor of my brother, I'm not talented at anything and my brother is the only grandson and nephew so I guess I should have expected it. _**

**_Yay for the happiest time of the year -_- bullshit, it really is hard for holidays to seem happy especially with mental illness that doesn't take a break. _**

**_So to all of you out there who are stuck feeling sick and upset and your surrounded by happy people getting gifts and spending time with friends, you aren't alone. Stay safe. _**

**_Vent in the form of writing helps to. _**

**_If anyone wants to say anything good, review, favorite, ect. Please do! It'd make my christmas I guess. _**

**_Historical note: Back then, just like how Germany started, there were groups of individuals with no real stable government or even language. Germania was practically in charge of barbarians (at the time). They ransacked Rome, picked up an official language, but still remained rather scrambled. Prussia was the most powerful out of all the Germans (besides Holy Roman empire at one point, but they were a mix of German-Italian-Austrian and grew small and weak in due time until France took them down in the Napoleonic wars). So when Prussia said they were to unify to one big Germany, they were going to! Austria didn't like the idea of those guys becoming more powerful than they are so they fought about it. After all of the other German states dying off and dissolving, only Prussia and the newly independent Germany were left. Now Prussia is gone as well but his spirit is obvious still kicking!…For now. _**


	9. Chapter 9

**_A/N I understand I have a lot of typos, probably because one I'm not a good writer and two most types when I update this fanfic it's aggressive vent typing so I go over things. Look at me, I'm getting bent over shape because of criticism. I dunno, I've been getting told i'm useless all week and I'd really just like to know I'm doing something right…But yay, mental illness during holidays + relatives and family that don't give a shit about me + Family ACTUALLY forgetting about me. It's been a fun christmas. _**

**_Personal problems aside, please just ignore everything I did wrong. I think I already know what I need to fix, I'm just unable to do it unfortunately;_**

**_…_****_._**

* * *

><p>He had to stop waking up like that, on the ground staring up at that same ceiling. Prussia and Germany were still screaming at him so he wasn't out for too long.<p>

"Are you okay?" Germany questioned him while keeping him levitated from the ground. "Do _not _faint on me like that!".

"Ugh…Sorry" the Italian apologized. They sat him down on the ground to help keep his head from spinning. "I…heard you right didn't I? You're Holy Rome".

"Was. I think, I don't-" Germany was cut off by a surprisingly rough grip onto his shirt sleeves.

"Why didn't you _tell_ me…D-Dammit, I've waited years! I've mourned and now you're telling me just now?" Italy sounded absolutely betrayed.

"I didn't know until now" Germany said with all honesty.

Italy's gaze switched to Prussia behind him, giving him a glare he said in a testing voice "Prussia?".

"I was waiting until he got over or maybe when I'd finally kick the bucket but yeah…I probably shouldn't have waited so long. I'm surprised you didn't know the second you met Germany" Prussia said.

"I definitely thought they looked a lot alike…I just thought that was a punishment or something" Italy shrugged off his answer "It just sounds impossible, how can one nation become a completely different one?".

"You can't really explain our existence, kiddo" Prussia told him.

"Is that why you've been hiding from me?" Germany asked, sounding a little hurt. Italy's feelings were understandable, but it was still horrible knowing that someone he cared about was purposely avoiding him.

"No, it was more than that it was a lot of feelings at once…I wasn't trying to single you out. Don't be mad, please" Italy begged him.

"No, I'm not mad" Germany assured him.

"Good…But _I'm _mad, shame on both of you actually! I can't believe you kept something this big from me. And you Prussia! You knew how I felt!" Italy lectured to both of the Germans.

Though they were far bigger than him, they accepted their punishment. Germany was actually proud of Italy for showing that he had a backbone.

"I'm sorry, I was stressed out about what to do about Germany knowing I didn't think how you'd react. I thought you'd be happy" Prussia said apologetically.

"Well I'm not…I'm relieved, I think. But i'm also shocked, and confused…A-And hurt", tears rolled down his cheek as he kept an angry expression on his face that threatened to falter.

"Oh man, I messed up big time" Prussia frowned "Come here kid, I don't like seeing you like this".

Prussia pulled Italy into a hug that he was reluctant to at first, his arms refused to return the hug until he couldn't hold in anger anymore and sad sobs came out.

"I really am sorry Italy, if I was told earlier I would have worked things out. I know this is definitely a shock…Since apparently me and you had some sort of relationship before…" Germany apologized again.

"You don't need to force yourself to like me like that, Germany…" Italy told him "I just want you to stay my friend".

"I actually…I feel…" Germany tried to get his point across, but it was too early and Italy was too upset. How would he even explain it to him? 'I really like you but i'm not good at getting my feelings across. You remember last valentines day?'

But Italy was Italy, if he were to say 'let's give a relationship a shot' then Italy would make it magical. It'd be cruel to rush him into it after finding out that someone he lost for centuries was actually his friend.

"I could never hate you Italy. We'll figure this out" Germany said with a smile.

Italy smiled back for just one short second before his smile faltered.

"I uh, I need time to think. I've been inside all day, and I want to go outside" Italy tried to stand up on his own. However, his back still was injured but he used his resources (like Prussia's shoulder for instance).

"Italy, you really should just lay down" Germany informed him.

"No, I'm going outside" Italy stated his final answer, leaving the room silently.

Once he was completely gone, Prussia let out a huge sigh. "That did not go the way I hoped it would".

"He's been through a lot these few days, he still hasn't completely opened to anyone" Germany said.

"He cares about you, I know he does. That kid is one tough person to crack though, I think what he wants…If you you to like him for himself" Prussia said "Forget about the gender, forget about the relationship you had a long time ago, and just be together as you are now. I think that's whats best".

"I'm all for it, he still needs to let things go" Germany said "He's putting so much unnecessary stress on himself, I don't get it".

"I don't get it either, just let things happen" his brother gave him surprisingly good advice, "Everything has reason, I knew as soon as you came back that was true".

…

It was a mix of polar opposite feelings, relief and dread.

The question was how did he not recognize it from the start? Maybe it was because he promised himself not to read any more history textbooks after finding out what the Napoleonic wars did.

He did the only thing he could think of, call Austria. No, he wasn't going to run away there again but he felt something ad to be set straight.

Just how many people were keeping secrets from him?

_"__Grüße aus Österreich" _his formal ruler greeted him on the phone.

"Hi Mr. Austria, it's Italy"

_"__Oh Italy, thank goodness. It's nice hearing from you again! But I'm disappointed, why would you jump off of Reichsbrücke? What were you trying to do?" _

"I know Mr. Austria, I'm sorry"

_"__You nearly scared the life out of me!" _

Italy rolled his eyes, glad that he was just on the phone with Austria and not face to face. "I know, I'm sorry Mr. Austria. But now It's my turn to yell at you, did you know Germany was Holy Rome?".

When he got no answer, he stated his authority more strength. He needed answers.

"Well?"

_"…__Yes" _

Italy smacked his knee in an 'I-knew-it' way, "Why didn't you tell me? Do you know how long I've been mourning? And don't start lecturing me again, I have enough problems Mr. Austria and thinking Holy Rome was dead added onto them. I thought it was _my_ fault for so long but…He's okay, he's Germany".

_"__We thought it was best to just let it go. For a long time he was dead until Prussia wanted to unite the German states. Then his body came back as Germany". _

"Why did no one say he came back as Germany?"

_"__You were gaining independence Italy…From me". _

"Right…" the anger slipped out of Italy's voice and was replaced with a more apologetic sounding one.

_"__It's over now, now you know…Can't you move on with your life, child?" _

"It's harder than you think…I actually like Germany in a romantic way but he's not…Like me. He doesn't like guys, he definitely doesn't like me how he used to like me when he thought I was a girl"

_"__He's a different person now, you never knew what will happen. Now get some rest, I thought since I haven't heard from you were you sleeping all this off. Obviously you aren't". _

"Yeah…Bye Mr. Austria" Italy hung up the phone. He slowly sat himself down on Japan's porch.

How Ironic. He fell for the same person all over again.

"Stupid…you're so stupid" he beat himself up.

Germany being Holy Rome gave him more of a reason to worry, just him knowing anything of his past could ruin their friendship. And god, if history were to repeat itself it'd be dreadful.

Happy.

That's how he should feel, that's how he should make everyone feel with his great big smile .

His only deeming quality was something he could no longer achieve.

If this was a playwright,

People would call it a tragedy.

…

"I really am glad I had this house made in your home land, when Italy showed me his place I fell instantly in love. But also, since he needs me I can stay close" Japan explained at the dinner table.

"That's why you were in driving distance…Wow, I thought it was strange we could drive to Japan" Romano said with his mouth full.

There was a lovely array of food around the table, normally Japan's tiny Kotatsu could fit just 4 people. But since Prussia stayed over and Italy never came back inside, it fit just right.

Soon things became really uncomfortably quiet.

"Should we…Call in Italy?" Prussia asked.

"I'll get him" Germany offered, since everyone was staring at him to do something.

It was cold outside at night, even Germany had shivers down his spin. But Italy sat right outside in the garden, not moving one bit.

"Do you want to come inside for dinner?".

He got no response. Just a dead pan stare, one that looked exhausted and completely done with everything.

"No food then? Can I sit down with you?".

He still got no response out of that, Italy just turned his head away.

Germany decided to sit down next to him anyway. He had no clue what the Italian was staring at for so long, the flowers weren't very vibrant at night at all.

"I know I said this wouldn't change anything between us, but it seems like your the one bothered by it more than I am" Germany said.

"Because you don't remember and I do" Italy said in a monotone voice.

"What don't I remember?"

"You don't _want _to remember, but…It really does make me feel like if you know, which you now do, you'd hate me" Italy said "I know you don't _get _it. But it hurts, and I'm not sure what to do. Because if you know about what we were back then and what you thought of me, you'd probably never want to see me again".

"Sounds complicated" Germany said with sympathy, asking Italy to tell him wasn't in question but agreeing with him would help ease stress.

He praised the world for giving him knowledgeable books to help understand feelings more.

"Whenever you leave Germany, I always remember when Holy Rome left for war without me. How we promised to see each other again and…The next thing I know I'm being told he's dead" Italy said "History repeated itself for me, I lost my grandfather and then I lost someone I loved. Now that I know you were him, I feel like life's going to give me one last 'fuck you' and take you away…Just for knowing me".

"Life doesn't work that way, stuff like that happens for a reason" Germany tried words of encouragement.

"So my grandpa's death happened for a reason?"

"Uh…N-No, well-"

"I'm just kidding" Italy said, his voice still sounded serious though. "I know why he died…But with you, you died because you barely had any support…Because I didn't join you. Germany, I hate war. I hate it so much, but back then you kept starting them and every time I tried to follow you things got ugly! But I didn't want to loose you…".

"The World wars were stupid and I had a bad leader, okay? My place is peaceful now, you don't need to worry about loosing me" Germany said.

"But I do anyways, I have frequent nightmares, sometimes they get violent and graphic. It just brings the anxiety all back, nothing helps, not even knowing you were Holy Rome. There's just something wrong with me, ever since I started grieving two days ago…It's over and you're alive but I _can't stop". _

"Don't put too much pressure on yourself, you have a mental illness. It doesn't just go away, you've also been off your pills for awhile too. Just come inside, I'll sleep with you tonight".

Italy reluctantly agreed, he was still an empty shell even in the light of Japan's home.

He didn't eat at all and no one could force him.

When nighttime came he sat up in his futon and stared at the wall.

"You know I'm not going to sleep until you do"

"I can't sleep Germany, bad things will happen"

"You're just a little paranoid" Germany said "I'm not sleeping until you do".

He still stared, until the house grew quiet and even as the sun started to rise.

He stared.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Quick chapter because I want to start the other one at a certain part. <em>**

**_This is a certain stage of depression where the person sorta dies but isn't dead at the same time. It's sort of a denial sort of thing. _**

**_I've been in it for awhile and at some point you just don't sleep anymore because you're afraid of your dreams. _**

**_Hang in there Italy!_**

**_Update should hopefully come out fast, again, sorry for crappy content. _**


	10. Chapter 10

When Germany woke up to Italy in the same sitting up position he knew he had failed to help him sleep for the night. Even worse was _he _was the one to fall asleep instead.

He shot up, Italy still stared at the same wall as he did when Germany fell asleep.

"Italy, god I'm sorry" Germany apologized.

"It's okay" Italy said, his voice dry and painful sounding.

"But it isn't, I fell asleep and you didn't. That's not how it's supposed to work out" Germany said.

"It doesn't matter" Italy told him. He didn't blink at all through their whole conversation, his eyes were red and looked tear stained.

"Well, lay back down. I'm going to bright breakfast in for you" Germany said as he got up, looking back at Italy one last before pulling the door shut.

He came back and set the plate of food down onto Italy's lap, instead of eating it he just stared.

"Italy, you have to eat, it's been over 12 hours" Germany said. He wanted to yell and lecture him so bad, it was just part of his nature. But seeing Italy as he was, he was so fragile. He looked like he could break at any minute, especially if Germany yelled and made him feel worse than he already did.

Italy stopped replying. He didn't say a word.

"Italy, you have to stop with this. You are _killing _yourself" Germany bellowed.

"Germany, I can't kill myself-"

"You're starving, you haven't slept. It's like dying Italy, without relief" Germany said "I can tell you're already dropping pounds, it's been awhile hasn't it…Since you last ate".

Italy nodded silently.

"Did anyone tell you that you were dead, for about a solid 10-20 something minutes" Ludwig said "I was scared out of my mind, I got the the point where I started pounding on your chest…Begging you to come back and I'm glad you did. Is that really what you want, something that's so similar to falling asleep except for forever? Is it?!"

Italy flinched when Germany's voice grew louder.

"I'm sorry, I really hate seeing you like this. You changed my life so much and I feel so helpless if I can't help you" Germany said "You know, Softness is not weakness. It takes courage to stay delicate in a world this cruel. There's nothing wrong with you, your feelings are understandable. I wish you told me more about your life before I said certain things".

"To be honest Germany, that's always in the back of my mind. I love life's wonders, but when I have to face my feelings I…Fall short" Italy said "It's always…August 6th, brings it all back".

"Tell me about it, please. I just found out I was someone else before I was me, I have no idea what I did or what I said or how you were a part of my life and I'm sorry for whatever I did" Germany apologized "But you have to tell me, or else I won't know".

"You won't like me anymore"

"Stop saying that"

"But it's true! I loved you okay! You meant a lot to me, and you'd feed me when I wasn't allowed food, you and me would paint together. You had this stupid idea of becoming another Roman empire, you wanted me to join you and I told you no and then you went and did it anyway!" Italy shouted out to him "Because my grandpa made a lot of mistakes that got him killed and I didn't want to loose you too…But I did, you were gone and even though you promised to come back you died".

"But I'm here right now" Germany tried to calm him.

"But you aren't him. You're straight, and I'm not"

"Uh, Italy"

"I like you a lot. I really treasure our friendship but I think I'm falling for you all over again and I hate it. Love shouldn't be an option for me anymore, you only liked me because you thought I was a girl to begin with!"

"Italy I think I like you to" Germany blurted out like it was nothing.

Italy looked at him with a legitimately shocked expression.

"I mean, you know I'm not good at showing emotions and stuff. We've been friends for a long time and you soon became my most favorite person to be around, and when I was a bit confused and weighing my options I found…That I wouldn't mind liking you more than just a friend. That being your partner would be nice" Germany exclaimed.

Italy remained silent to let him continue.

"I really wish you wouldn't worry about the things around you and what happened to you in the past, I love seeing you happy. Don't let that stuff in anymore, you're stronger than that" Germany gave him an encouraging speech.

Italy began to shake uncontrollably. Before Germany could ask why, Italy pulled him into a hug and began to sob.

His crying sounded relieved, like he was finally releasing something he held inside for years.

"Things will work out" Germany patted his back gently. They sat there like that for awhile, not moving a single inch.

Until Germany's legs grew numb from staying in the same position for so long.

"Okay, Italy I think it's time to get up now" Germany said to the man in his arms and was surprised when he got no response.

"Uh Italy?" he questioned, looking down at the others face.

His breathing was slow and shallow, his eyes shut, lips parted just a little bit.

Yep, he fell asleep on him.

"Unbelievable" Germany almost laughed, he smiled contently even though he was left in a bit of an embarrassing situation.

Italy needed his rest anyway.

Carefully, he removed Italy from his grasp and laid him down on the bed.

He closed the door, joining the rest of the group in the living room. His brother apparently spent the night, seeing that he was still there.

"I've never had so many guests stay over at my house before" Japan said as he entered the room, he was placing down breakfast for everyone.

"Italy won't be eating, I finally got him to sleep" Germany said as he joined the three of them.

"Oh that's good, but how long has it been? Since last morning?" Japan said "I'm starting to grow concerned for his health".

"He'll be okay, I think I talked some sense into him. But this has to be a group effort" Germany said "He's got a lot he needs to face and forgive, each one of us have to apologize to him".

He received many confused glares from around the table.

"This includes me too, you know. This isn't about us it's about him, we need to direct our attention to _him_. He's obviously gone a long time with this burden. The least we can do is apologize" Germany tried to further explain.

"Why?" Romano was the first to question him.

"Prussia, you lied to him and kept a very big secret from him. Believe it or not, he feels hurt that you'd hide that from him" Germany started with his brother.

"Japan, do you remember how he left us near the end of WWII, and how you told him that you were disappointed in him and resented him…You have to come to terms with him, no matter how good your relationship is now, it still scares him. He doesn't let go of his mistakes".

The Japanese man nodded understandingly.

"Romano, we know you're a good guy, but the swearing and insulting…Do you think you cut back a bit. He's your brother and he loves you, he's sorry for what happened with WWII and with your grandfather. He just wants to know you love him".

Romano looked away angrily, "I know you can do this, please".

"He's still got a lot more he needs to apologize to me for" Romano told him.

"He's sorry, you said it yourself. Do you want to loose him?"

"No" Romano said.

"Than you can do this. As for me, I've got a lot I need to apologize for. For what I don't remember and for what I do. For hurting him, for being stubborn and leaving him, for biting off more than I could chew, for what I did during the World wars, and for not protecting him like I told him I would…" Germany trailed off, "They say depression is a silent killer, that's why we need to be aware that what we do can hurt him. It's strange how he hasn't left me, I told him I could hurt him and he didn't even care…".

"But you have to care for those you love, no matter how okay they seem. No matter if they should be the one apologizing for any reason" Germany looked at Romano as he spoke "I don't care, I love him to much to see him suffer the way he is right now. Maybe if we work together, his old bright spirit will come back to him…And that smile of his too".

Germany ended his sentence with a slight smile of his own, when he looked back at the rest of the table he was receiving very strange glares of different emotions.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Did you just say you…_Love_ him?" Romano sounded disgusted.

A bright blush grew on his face, he _did _say that didn't he…

"Um…Well, it's not official but when I was talking to him earlier and…Looking back on our relationship now and our relationship on the past…And also with weighing our options I think-"

"Shit! You two are together-together now?!" Prussia cut to conclusions and started screaming, "Don't be mad at me but I always knew you were never straight!".

"Hey! Enough! It is _not _official and Italy isn't ready for any committed relationship until he's better" Germany said, looking at them. "Stop with those faces too, I don't want to be hugged _or _beat up".

Romano looked back at Japan who was still sitting down in a calm manner.

"How are you not surprised?" Romano asked.

"Hm? Oh, I knew it all along" Japan told him simply "I spent years with those two, it was obvious".

"Stop! This is really embarrassing!" Germany spoke over all of them.

"But we're happy for you" Prussia told him.

"He isn't" Germany motioned to Romano, still standing up with his hands in a fist.

"I don't want him to _try _anything. For your information, Veneziano can date whoever he wants as long as he's happy. You've actually proved yourself to me these past few days but you're still potato bastard to me" Romano explained.

"Look, I know it's going to take you awhile to like me. I will not try anything, I swear" Germany said.

"Germany and Italy gay, sit back down please" Japan said from where he sat.

"Bisexual actually" came another voice. Italy leaned up against the wall and smiled at them. Now seeing him in direct light, Germany noticed that he looked absolutely exhausted. His skin still looked too pale for him and the dark circles under his eyes were deep brown and purple.

"You shouldn't be up" Germany told him.

"What? And let you guys misinterpret my sexuality. It's Bi, Japan. I'm bi" Italy told him.

"Go back to bed Italy" Germany tried to throw the Italian over his shoulder. Italy resisted, maneuvering around him wistfully.

"I can't sleep okay" Italy said "At least let me eat some food before I try again".

They let Italy do as he pleased, hoping that maybe he'd tire himself out.

They were right.

He talked for a bit, eating up his breakfast, and after spending some time in their stress-free environment he started to nod off.

His hand held up his head from where he still sat, but then he almost toppled over. Germany caught him and awoke Italy from his daze. His eyes were still thin slits.

"Don't you think it's time to go back to bed?" Germany asked him, sitting Italy back upright.

Italy hummed a 'no' reply, "Is it okay that I rather stay here…It's lonely in that room. And I reeeeeeaaaaaally love the kotatsu".

Germany looked at the others, they all just shrugged.

"Okay then lay down-" Germany was interrupted by Italy leaning onto him.

"No, that's not what I meant"

"I thought it was bad that I loved you, I thought everyone would hate me…I thought you would hate me. But how ironic is it, that I fell for you twice?" Italy mumbled "Don't be mad at me".

"I'm not, I'll never…" Germany flashed a glare at Prussia who was started to giggle. "I can never hate you".

"Good, I was afraid you would if I was alive any longer. I get that I'm hard to manage and I can't do anything right, I make Romano sad all the time just by existing. I wish I could be a good brother to him, he deserves a lot more than he gets. Could you tell him that?".

"But he's right-" Germany attempted to tell him until he was shushed by everyone, including Romano.

"Yeah, I'll tell him that".

"Good, thank you Germany. You're always so reliable I dunno how you do it. These past few days have just been…Kinda bad. Thank you for staying with me" Italy told him.

"You're welcome".

"I…I really hope no one hates me after this…I didn't think it was possible but…I messed up everything more than I ever have before…".

"You didn't mess up, just because you're a nation doesn't mean you're not a person with feelings and-" Germany told him, but then was interrupted by Japan's quiet voice.

"He fell asleep" Japan pointed to him.

Germany looked down at him, "He did…Before I even got to tell him…".

"We're going to start the apologizing thing tomorrow right?" Romano whipped tears from his eyes.

"Are you-?"

"Don't say anything, just… Tomorrow, we're making him feel better right?".

"Yeah, We'll need to get in touch with Austria too. He obviously plays a big part in this…Who else? France maybe" Germany tried to make a mental list.

"Let's just invite everyone, they've all been dicks to him" Romano said, standing up to leave the room and calm himself down. "Every single fucking one…".

"Alright then, I'll just make the phone calls" Germany said attempting to get up.

"No!" Japan and Prussia shouted at him.

"What?"

"I'll take care of the phone calls. You just stay with him" Japan said.

"But-"

"Be a good boyfriend, my little brother" Prussia told him.

"But…I didn't say it was official…" Germany said sadly, he _really _wanted to make the phone calls. Only he could do it efficiently.

Germany sighed and looked down at Italy in his arms, "You're a mystery. Why are you so hard to read, huh?".

Quickly, he kissed the man's forehead and smile satisfyingly.

"Past me would look at me know and say I'm crazy" Germany told himself.

This was what it felt like to truly care for someone.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Super late because of personal issues; but here it is! Please like, favorite, review, ect :,) <em>**


	11. Chapter 11

Italy was a mysterious person.

He acts as though he's an open book, however you can't read him at all. It's like he was written out in a different language that he couldn't read.

It was strange, how he was struggling not long ago and now he woke up on the right side of the bed completely.

His eyes weren't filled with the same light in them as before, but he got up and he ate and smiled. Obviously, letting go of the August 6th anxiety was good for him but it was the least of his problems.

The more Germany paid attention to his chemical make-up, the most he noticed that Italy had a lot weighing down on him. Yet he pretended as though they were non-existent in front of others.

He rose in the late afternoon, rose up to his tippy-toes to peck a kiss onto Germany's cheek. He was really stretching it to get that kiss upon Germany's face, leaning his weight on top of the bigger man and nearly tripping over once he was done.

"Buongiorno" he greeted him with a smile as if he didn't almost fall over.

"Hey, you seem in a better mood" Germany told him.

"Yeah, sorry about yesterday…I don't know why I was giving up, it was stupid" he apologized without looking at him the eye.

"Why are you apologizing?" Germany asked him, "Never mind, I have a proposition. Are you willing to work with me?".

"Yeah, of course what is it?"

"I want you tell me who did you wrong, so I can get them to apologize to you"

Italy's face grew distressed, he looked at Germany as if he were crazy. "No one needs to apologize to me, no one did anything".

"I know that's a lie, do you really expect me to think you're over the fact that I couldn't fulfill my promise. I couldn't fulfill a lot of promises to you, doesn't that bother you? Or how I forced you to keep your alliance when me even when I was putting you in jeopardy in the process, that doesn't hurt you at all?"

"I hurt at the time, not…Now" Italy stumbled on his own words.

"I nearly killed you in WWII, you don't resent me for that?" Germany asked him.

"No" Italy answered firmly.

"Why do I think you're lying? I feel like you say you've forgiven people but you're really not over it. Why don't you want to accept any apologies?" Germany questioned.

"I don't want people to feel bad over nothing" Italy confessed to him, his eyes gained a glassy look from his tears.

"You aren't nothing, Italy" Germany said "And I really am sorry, for everything I did. I'm a terrible friend and I knew it and you knew it but you didn't leave me…No matter how bad things got. So listen to me here, I'm sorry".

"You shouldn't be sorry" Italy told him.

"I love you too much not to be sorry" Germany told him "Now I want you to listen to what everyone else has to say and you are going to accept it. Don't tell them that it's okay, tell them you accept your apology. That way they'll never hurt you again".

Germany grabbed him hand and lead him to where apparently everyone else was.

In the room was Japan and the house's two remaining guests.

Italy attempted to turn around and leave but Germany stood in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. He motioned for Italy to take a seat and slowly Italy sat down in front of the three.

"I'll go first then" Japan spoke up, Prussia and Romano kept to themselves and stared down at their own feet in nervousness.

"Italy, You are a very important friend to me. I've been informed that I haven't done you much wrong, which I'm glad…But, my behavior during WWII wasn't acceptable. I scared you, I made it seem like I hated you when really I was just being childish and throwing a fit. I don't want to see you hurt anymore, I'm sorry. Gomen'nasai".

Italy flashed him a small smile and stared back down at the table.

"I'm real sorry I kept the whole Holy Rome is Germany a secret. I was had a lot on my shoulders, especially trying to help Germany get independence…I guess I forgot that you cared about him too. It was shitty to keep it from you so long and it was even shittier that I thought you'd be automatically happy" Prussia went next "I care about you kid, I don't like seeing lil' Italy sad, and I especially don't like being the one that made you sad".

"It's alright Pr-" Italy attempted to apologize back, but Germany flashed him a glare and made him rethink his sentence.

"I accept your apology Prussia" Italy said.

"Romano?" Germany looked towards the last one left to speak.

"Shut up, this is hard for me too" Romano growled at him. "Uh…Veneziano, you and me aren't always on the same page. You do some stuff, I do some stuff, but we're still brothers…We still…Love each other. God, I think I'm the one who did you more wrong than anyone else".

"Romano-" the younger brother said sadly.

"No, you aren't allowed to apologize. I'm the one apologizing okay" Romano cut him off "I'm sorry for not being around when you needed me, for yelling at you all the time, for calling you stupid…For dismissing your feelings as nothing. You are something special, Veneziano. I gotta really fix up my act as a brother. You can't argue with me okay?".

Italy nodded through tears.

"See? We know what we did wrong and you know it too. Sometimes instead of denying what hurts you, you need to face it instead" Germany told him "That way people will know what they did wrong and take your feelings seriously".

"mhm" Italy mumbled an understanding reply

"Don't act so scared, You need to at least have some respect for yourself" Germany told him firmly, "That's how you're going to get better…Now come on, We're going on a road trip".

They walked out of the front door, Prussia returned to his own car and bid them goodbye. Romano was coming with them since his car was the only one there to use.

Japan waved at them as they backed out of the drive way and into the street.

"You never told me where we're going" Italy mentioned to him from the back seat of Romano's car, peeking up at the two of them in the front and diver's seat.

"Austria's place, that's where things started to go downhill, right?"

"Uh…Yeah, I guess. But that's only part of it"

"It's an important part" Germany told him "We don't need to know all the details if you don't want to tell us. But I think you should at least talk to Austria".

Italy reserved himself and was quiet for the rest of the drive. He almost seemed nervous as he approached Austria's house.

The man with the glasses walked out and waiting for him at the front door.

Italy and him looked at each other straight in the eye, he timidly walked through the front door; slowly moving around the room.

"You're not…Going to yell at me?"

"I think you've had enough of that don't you think?" Austria said "It's come to my attention that I probably should apologize on my part for some…Things that happened"

"They don't bother me anymore" Italy spoke up.

"That's a lie, I don't see why child abuse should go under our noses" Austria talked right back to him.

"That was _centuries _ago, there weren't any child laws back then. You were doing what any other parent would do" Italy tried to justify him.

"It's illegal now, I did something illegal! Let me apologize!"

"Fine, apologize then!"

"I apologize!"

"I accept your apology!"

Once they were both done yelling they in took deep breaths.

"Shit man, usually my brother only yells at me like that" Romano mumbled under his breath.

"Are you two okay?" Germany asked. His question was answered by Italy and Austria pulling each other into a tight hug.

"Well, good then…" Germany said.

"I just want you to know, none of _this_" Italy motioned to himself and everything around him "Started here, It started long ago. My grandpa's death made me sad, Holy Rome leaving was something I thought I could handle, same with my brother leaving. But…When I think about it…I think it's when I found out Holy Rome died…I think I started to loose faith in myself. I mean I couldn't keep him safe. I lost him, just like how I loose everyone else".

"He's standing right behind you" Austria said to him.

Italy turned back to look at Germany.

"No, that's Germany. He's himself now" Italy said "I think I've finally done it…I think I've finally faced it. I thought it was a curse, that Germany looked so much like someone I missed. I thought If I lost him too, that I'd use up all the luck I'd have left in this world…But he's the same person, huh? But he's not at the same time".

"Italy?" Germany questioned.

"I don't need him to be the same person, I need to accept that this is Holy Rome and he's stronger than ever. He's even better, he's Germany. I think I love him even more now than I ever did" Italy laughed sadly, but his eyes cried tears that weren't distraught at all. He seemed happy.

"This life is full of second chances. That's why I'm still here, that's why Germany is who he is" Italy said "I don't need apologies for what happened in the past, I just have to open my mind up to the future…I'll never stop worrying, but…".

"I'll help you get there" Germany told him "We can…Fall in love together again…But this time I'm not leaving you, this time it'll be better".

Italy laughed, his face scrunched up as a big smile appeared on his face.

"I was so stupid!" He chuckled.

"Does that mean you're gonna start taking your meds again, cause…" Romano pulled the bottle out of his pocket, Italy nodded so he tossed the bottle towards him.

"Do us all a favor and try to stay stable for us, little brother" he said.

"I got it, yeah that's the most important thing is it…" Italy started at his medication "I've neglected it for so long too".

"It takes steps you know, I did the research" Germany said "It doesn't work miracles but I do highly advise you to stay on it".

Before he could say more, Italy sealed a kiss on his lips. "Don't make fun of me, but I've always wanted to do that" he flashed a cheeky smile.

"D-Don't be ridiculous, I mean it's okay with me but do you have to do it so suddenly…I'm not good at relationship and stuff and…That was my first".

"It's really not" Italy told him softly, poking at his face jokingly.

"W-What do you mean it's not?" Germany asked with shock, Italy avoided his question by telling him that they better drive back to his house.

The car ride back was filled with Germany pestering him to tell him what he meant, Romano's 'date-my-brother' requirements, and basically just Italy being his old self again.

It was nice knowing that he seemed to finally figure out what was the root of his anxiety. It was probably the first time in a long time he had such a sincere smile on his face.

He returned to work again, people were happy to him.

Italy really was glad that he could socialize again, that was the best part of world meetings wasn't it?

Italy being there, lightening up the room.

Now that his own heart and mind felt lit up he could attend every meeting and assist Germany as he does.

There was only one difference from these meetings from past ones, Germany got a kiss every time Italy walked through those double doors.

* * *

><p><strong><em>A bit half assed ending. I really am honored that so many people took the time to care for me in the comments. I want to say things have been better but I've still been very stuck. <em>**

**_Even though my time hasn't come yet, I think it's time Italy starts realizing what he's here for in life. _**

**_Sometimes in order to be happy you need to let go of the past, you also need to make yourself a brighter future. _**

**_Thank you for sticking with this story, it's been fun. _**


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